You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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