why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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