I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
