I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
