A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
