Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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