I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
