my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
