he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and i looked up. we had an audience...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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