he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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