Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
