Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
