one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
