he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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