At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
