i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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