My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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