shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
