apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
