Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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