If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
