you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Success! We fucked roommates!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
