he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
