distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
