it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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