we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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