i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
