i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
