I never want to see another naked old woman again.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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