Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
