In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
