Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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