I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
