I got chris browned last night
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
