Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Less talking, more tequila
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
3pm strippers are depressing
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
