He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
