he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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