I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
