I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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