DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
