You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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