maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
