Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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