all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
