my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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