So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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