Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
