Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
