it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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