U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just pee around me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
