Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
