You're my little dorito
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
