Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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