Swine flu. Run for my life!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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