....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
