I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
