; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
