I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
