so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
