He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
