Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
