Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
